Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
