I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
