When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
