just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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