at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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