i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
