im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize