Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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