Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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