My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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