i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
