Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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