I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
