I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
