its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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