I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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