Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
