What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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