So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
