i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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