so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
