Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude i'm inner monologue high
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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