Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
