I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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