The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
