He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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