There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
