shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fuck me I smell like cheese
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize