We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
