Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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