Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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