Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize