I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
