hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
