she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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