If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
