Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
