We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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