she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
