I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
