Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
