i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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