Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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