dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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