it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
