so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
