Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
