it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
They took my balls.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
