Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
