You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize