Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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