Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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