maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
