I wish I could teleport
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
