conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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