Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
