I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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