well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
