Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
