90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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