I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
