Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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