How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
