I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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