Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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