was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
