she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
