allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
