I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
