even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
