You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
