1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
