I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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