I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
